Guest Contributor | The Resurgence Perspective
It's easy to encourage someone else to take a chance. Taking your own advice? That's a different story.
For our first guest contribution to The Resurgence Perspective, we're welcoming Chase Hoover, LPC, founder of Steady Wings Counseling in Pennsylvania.
As Chase prepares to launch his own private practice, he's getting a firsthand reminder of how uncomfortable it can feel to take a chance on something that matters.
In this article, he brings humor, personal experience, and his perspective as a therapist, former athlete, and coach to a question many of us recognize: What happens when fear of failure starts making our decisions for us?
They say the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Clearly, they've never met an overthinker.
I've spent years encouraging people to step outside their comfort zones. Turns out, I was a much bigger fan of that advice when it applied to other people.
As I prepare to launch my own private practice, Steady Wings Counseling, I've been getting a firsthand reminder of just how uncomfortable taking a chance can be.
Apparently, starting a business comes with a complimentary subscription to overthinking.
One minute, I'm excited about building something of my own. The next, I'm wondering whether I've forgotten some important paperwork or accidentally signed an insurance contract requiring me to surrender my firstborn child.
And I don't even have kids.
But fear of failure isn't limited to starting a business. Maybe it's applying for a new job, setting a boundary with your child, or having a difficult conversation.
We start imagining everything that could go wrong, and suddenly, doing absolutely nothing sounds pretty appealing.
Sometimes, the things that matter most to us are also the things we're most afraid to get wrong.
When Playing It Safe Holds Us Back
There's nothing wrong with being cautious. But there's a difference between making a thoughtful decision and avoiding something because we're afraid of the outcome.
Avoidance feels good at first. No rejection, embarrassment, or explaining yourself to your teenager for the 47th time.
Problem solved, right?
Not exactly.
The more we avoid uncomfortable situations, the easier it becomes to convince ourselves we're simply waiting for the right moment.
I'll do it when I'm more prepared.
I'll try when I feel more confident.
Unfortunately, the perfect time rarely shows up with a calendar invitation.
And sometimes, we're not just afraid of making a mistake. We're afraid of what that mistake might say about us.
We can be incredibly understanding when someone else struggles, yet hold ourselves to impossible standards.
A friend makes a mistake? It happens.
We make a mistake? Suddenly, we're questioning whether we're qualified to be adults.
Throughout my work with students, families, and athletes, I've seen how easily people overlook their own progress while celebrating someone else's.
Starting my own practice has reminded me that I don't need to know everything before giving myself permission to learn.
You can be proud of who you are while still being a work in progress.
Three Ways to Stop Letting Fear Make Your Decisions
Confidence doesn't always come before taking action. Sometimes, it comes from discovering what we're capable of afterward.
Here are three strategies I've found helpful.
1. Give Yourself Five Seconds
Mel Robbins' 5 Second Rule offers a simple approach: when you've already decided to do something worthwhile but find yourself hesitating, count backward.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Then take the first step.
Send the email. Speak up. Start the conversation.
This isn't permission to make major decisions in five seconds. Please don't use it to justify buying a house or sending an emotionally charged text at midnight. It's about recognizing when fear is talking you out of something you've already thought through.
2. Ask Yourself, "What If It All Went Right?"
Our brains are incredibly creative when imagining what could go wrong.
But what about what could go right?
When I considered opening my own practice, I wondered whether I'd build a successful business, make the right decisions, or spend the rest of my life filling out insurance paperwork.
That last one remains an active concern.
Eventually, I started asking myself a different question:
What if this actually works out?
Imagining success doesn't guarantee it, but imagining failure doesn't make it inevitable either.
We spend so much time preparing for what could go wrong that we sometimes forget to get excited about what could go right.
3. Give Yourself Credit for Trying
When was the last time you gave yourself credit for doing something difficult, even if it didn't go perfectly?
Maybe you spoke up in a meeting, set a boundary, or took a chance that didn't work out.
We often focus so much on the outcome that we overlook the courage it took to try.
Think about how you'd respond if a friend shared the same experience. Chances are, you'd offer encouragement rather than a detailed explanation of everything they did wrong.
Maybe we could give ourselves that same kindness.
Confidence isn't knowing you'll succeed. It's trusting yourself to handle things even when you don't.
The Freedom to Try
As a former athlete and coach, I've seen how fear of making mistakes can keep people from taking chances. The same thing happens in everyday life.
We become so focused on avoiding failure that we forget there's value in simply trying.
As I prepare to launch Steady Wings, I certainly don't have everything figured out.
But I'm excited.
Not because I know how everything will turn out, but because I'm giving myself the chance to find out.
Maybe for you, that means applying for a new job, having a difficult conversation, or allowing yourself to be a beginner.
Things might not go perfectly. You might make mistakes.
But you might also surprise yourself.
